what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize