i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
