Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
