we have pet lesbian snakes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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