I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
