omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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