yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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