This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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