i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
