OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
