Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
