I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
