I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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