Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize