Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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