awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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