Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
