i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im holly from the hills drunk
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize