Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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