Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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