Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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