the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
