I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
even my farts smell like vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My vagina is officially offended.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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