Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
