Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
