All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Houston, we have a squirter
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
