so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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