I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
