I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
