none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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