I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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