i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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