like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
