Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
