You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
