i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
