i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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