we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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