5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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