fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
