I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
