New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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