i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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