Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
