he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize