Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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