Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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