I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
