is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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