OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
