so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
