found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
