so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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