When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
