you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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