mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
