my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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