last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
