Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
