dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
