Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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