used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
