Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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