smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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