i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize