He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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