i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
