U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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