I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
