some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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