soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize