I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
soo... how was my night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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